


Doubts

by Perseia



Category: The Originals (TV)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Elijah mikaelson POV, Family Feels, Kol's death, always and forever, moment of vulnerability, underneath the mask of elegance and confidence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:09:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7495089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perseia/pseuds/Perseia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in some time around Kol's second death, when Rebekkah is still in the witch's body, long before Davina resurrects Kol:</p>
<p>In a rare moment of solitude within the library, Elijah's mind wanders. He thinks about the death of his siblings - Kol's death, really - and Elijah's regrets and concerns surface just slightly. He doubts the extent of his and his family's powers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doubts

Clad in an immaculate suit that he nearly wore as second skin, Elijah stands in the library, scoping the numerous antiquated volumes that have survived for decades and more. Recalling memories long gone in the silent books, he finds himself rather weary. 

Perhaps of what to come, or what has passed.

He’s lived long enough to have seen it all. He’s lived for a millennium, after all. Countless people and supernatural beings died in his family’s hand, and he’s seen more than enough death and destruction around the world during their flight from Mikael. But if there was one particular thing that he was not used to seeing, - or rather never even imagined to see - it was the death of his siblings. First Finn, then Kol had died. And despite all their differences and all the things that his siblings had done to each other, family was family. And a family meant to be immortal, at that. 

Yet, he found himself grieving the death of his youngest brother, twice. 

When Finn had first died, Elijah accepted his death with a rather dull shock. He was always distant and had worked against his family.  


But Kol? Kol’s death was different. It hurt the first time, and the second time, even more so. Pain caressed his body, his willpower and the situation at hand only keeping the burn of loss away. And now that he has an ephemeral moment of peace, his mind wanders, and he could not help but remember what Kol had said to his family the last time he died. “All I wanted, was to be noticed by you lot,” he had croaked out with his dying breath. And how helpless they all were, unable to prevent his demise. Elijah was certain that he will be brought back to life, he and his remaining siblings will ensure it; but underneath this persistent pain, his inexplicable guilt remained. Even after Kol is brought back, would everything truly be fine?  


He recalled one occasion among the brief moments that only he and Kol shared, when Kol had drunken a bar, its patrons, and its bartender dry. In his drunken state, Kol had mentioned “you and your circle of Always and Forever, with your darling little sister, and the poor bastard brother ”, to be exact. He brushed it off at that time, too busy cleaning up his mess and too annoyed by his disgraceful acts. But Kol had been oddly happy then, almost delighted to see Elijah as he was fussing over the mess. And Elijah knew Kol was no happy drunk. That had been a time when he thought he could never wholesomely understand Kol.

The guilt of being so focused on one brother’s redemption that he ignored the other’s lay heavy in his heart. He understood Kol’s resentment - it was true that his focus always was on Niklaus, and then on Rebekkah. And these days, it finally seemed quite clear to him that he should have been more attentive to his reckless Kol.  


Elijah wanted to finally do right by Kol when he is brought back. He feared that he’d be unable to and he wished that circumstances would be different.  
He knew that Niklaus would always get himself in trouble that would require all able bodied Mikaelsons to help out, and Elijah couldn’t help but be concerned that Kol may, even after resurrection, die at the hand of some Mikaelson foe. A foe that Niklaus, or himself, most likely had a role in creating.

Not for the last time, he wished that things could have been a little different for his family. The fates a little kinder, his family less bitter, his abilities more able to pull them all through redemption. But we are long past making wishes, Elijah thinks.  


The cadence of Klaus’s footsteps soon draws him away from his musings. He leaves the room to join his siblings, his steps solid and firm, his moment of vulnerability gone. He looks as assured as ever as he enters the small plaza.

There is always work to be done.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm terribly fond of Elijah, and Kol has earned a special place in my heart just as all the Mikaelson siblings have. I always love analyzing Elijah and what he's thinking under that elegant face of his. And I think of Kol as a smol, misunderstood and murderously bitter darling with a dashing charm. I'm hoping that the Mikaelsons would understand better about Kol's temper flares and take that misunderstood part out of him. I believe that Elijah would be very good at doing that particular thing. He's sort of the "parent" sibling and he does love to try and save things. I didn't really include the part about Kol doing disastrous things to feel the rush of magic again because Kol wanting to fit into Bekkah, Lijah, and Nik was heartbreaking enough for me. 
> 
> Anyways I'm just gonna stop myself right there. Thank you for reading this:)))


End file.
